When we heal ourselves we turn on ancient codes within that are waiting to be activated. Once these codes turn on the world will never look the same again.
My journey with healing began with questioning the dominant mainstream health paradigms both in the social services world and in the medical world due to my personal experiences with them.
Between the ages of 17-32 I saw more doctors then I can remember. I was constantly with symptoms and trying to figure out why something didn’t feel right.
I was diagnosed with: anxiety, depression, IBS and leaky gut, endometriosis, some vague sleep disorder I don’t remember the name of, an activated Epstein-Barr virus, and eventually the autoimmune disorder Hashimotos. I also self-diagnosed myself as an empath with a sensitivity to other people’s energy.
I was living with chronic pain that started out emotionally and eventually became physical. While growing up, learning theatre, dance and singing was a place for me to escape to. It’s where I felt safest. It’s where I could access my life force. But due to childhood wounds and inherited ancestral trauma (and society’s relationship to the arts) I struggled to keep up with it and have enough stamina to make a full time living in the arts that felt satisfying and didn’t deplete me.
And 7 years ago it all came to a head. I was burnt out and the symptoms had become too many to ignore. I also couldn’t access health insurance for about 8 months during the worst of it (because bureaucracy). I had no other choice but to take matters into my own hands. A gift in disguise.
At the time I had been working at a community center and I kept giving my energy to everyone but myself. I didn’t realize my inner child wanted my attention and my body did what it had to do in order to get it. I had to step away from that job because it was too much for me to handle and take care of myself. Our school systems and community centers are far too unsupported and it had become too much for my nervous system given I didn’t realize that I needed support too. I also had this nagging feeling from deep inside of me that the way the system was set up to support the youth I was working with was deeply flawed and not responding to the root causes of harm and trauma.
My intuition knew something was missing from the approach, both for myself and for my students.
I had to leave institutional settings and the mainstream narrative to get to where I needed to go. Answers began to come when I sought a more holistic ways of healing and began learning healing modalities outside of the conventional approach.
If I had to summarize what I needed it was this: in order to get to the root cause of my symptoms I had to understand how energy works within the body.
It was then that I began my holistic healing journey by first learning Thai Bodywork. The year I began that certification process was the worst I had ever felt which was such interesting timing.
The game changed when I next turned to learning Reiki.
From there I was led on a journey to go back to the ancestral roots of my trauma. I also began to reclaim my relationship with nature through ritual and working with the elements and the cycles of the seasons.
Understanding how energy works, how trauma works, and developing a relationship with my body and soul activated a mini revolution within.
This is how I became my own healer.
Because when we actively choose the process of transformation we can alchemize our trauma, illness, injury, chronic states, emotional overwhelm, fears (etc). This is how we let our stories and grief become fuel on our path of growth and evolution.
This journey also led me to understand the relationship between my nervous system and my sensitivity to energy.
I didn’t realize I was absorbing other people’s feelings and that it was causing part of my body pain, brain fog and anxiety. Images, feelings, sensations, and knowings stemming from an intuitive capability I had invalidated my whole life had been slamming through my system on a daily basis wreaking havoc on my health.
I haven’t seen a doctor for a symptom for them to ‘solve’ in quite some time now.
And I now see that healing is an act of becoming, knowledge is power and symptoms are messengers.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a LOT of help to get me where I am now. Each healer I worked with was a guide on the journey. But none had all the answers, as I had so often wanted them to. I had to put my own puzzle together. And it’s an ongoing process.
I had to learn to be my own advocate and question ANYTHING that didn’t feel right no matter the degree or certification a doctor held that might lead me to believe I must know less about my body then they did. I was taught by a nutritionist and acupuncturist how to read my own blood work and look at the connection between my results and symptoms in order to find the right tools to bring them back into balance. I changed my relationship with food and began to question the agricultural industrial complex (and its role in making me sick).
And so now one by one I’ve taken off the labels of: chronic illness, chronic stress, mental illness, trauma victim, ‘not enough’, ‘too sensitive’, just getting by – and anything else that’s been standing in the way of who I truly am at the root. These identities are not my core essence.